Birthday MILF (Mom I’d Like to Follow)

By Matt

Today is Angela’s (redacted) birthday. In honor of today, I want to make a top five list of my favorite things about her, as a mother. These are the things that only I (and I alone) can claim as her co-habitational and sometimes-functioning parent.

  1. She is the calm one. Everything is bizarro world with a child. When we got married, Angela said I was the “calm to her storm.” That was true until about two years ago when we had Zelda. Now I am the one that panics over everything. I am the one who overthinks everything, unwilling to see the forest for the trees. Whenever Zelda is sick, or we have conflicts with work, I stumble into a crescendo of worries, problems, and miscalculations. Angela keeps her cool. When the stress begins to spike in these sitautions, I feel that Angela can sense it, reacting ahead of time. She is a wizard. Angela, YOU are the calm before/during/after the storm.
  2. She is the good parent. I am terrible at discipline. Most of the time, whenever Zelda does something wrong, or acts out, I struggle to move beyond the “awwww” and “she is so sweet” phase of Zelda’s life and into the “don’t do that” and “no” phase we will discover more and more as she hits her second birthday. I barely get anything out before smiling or blowing it off and moving on. That’s bad parenting. Angela refuses to do that. Although I strive to become a disciplinarian, I have a long ways to go. Angela’s already there.
  3. She is the grand communicator. As previously stated, I am struggling with moving beyond “fun dad” and simply becoming “dad.” Angela is so good at communicating with Zelda and teaching her about everything. Sometimes, I just stare in awe as she helps her go through a list of words in a book or on her favorite television progrma. It’s incredible. I take every day as a learning experience with Angela, and I’ve learned quite a bit in the last few years.
  4. She has better diplomatic skills than Trump’s entire cabinet. Look, there are things that I like to do and things that I honestly avoid like the plague. I am TERRIBLE at communicating this to anyone, so either I go along with it (and hate it), or give off passive aggressive bursts of “meh.” Angela, amazing parent that she is, always thinks of our family unit as a whole and reasons with me about our activities and social calendar, weighing the pros and cons of each prospective event. This has led to several fun experiences with our daughter that we would have otherwise spent sleeping and farting on the couch with the dog in my sweatpants (which I still want to do, 99% of the time). Take that, Nikki Haley.
  5. She is the REAL task master. I am a Type A personality when convenient. Angela is Type B, but (thankfully) Type A WHEN IT MATTERS. That involves weekly reminders that I forget about like Zelda’s appointments, etc. I like to label myself as a “task master,” but in reality I play second fiddle to Angela. She is the true core and rock of our family. All I can do is sit back and marvel at the amazing woman she is.From the moment I first met her, I knew she was different. Not in a bad way, mind you, but she had a special quality I wanted to know more about. Over time, I had the opportunity to explore that. After a little while, I knew I couldn’t live without her. I still can’t, and now we have a very special little thing that makes our bond stronger than ever. She is a better person than me in every single way. These five things are just the tip of the iceberg. Happy birthday, MILF. I’ll follow you anywhere.