Two months to go. TWO MONTHS.
It’s hard to believe. I can’t believe it. I am two months away from caring for something living and breathing that is not a dog or a cat. I think Gozer and Torrance helped us prepare for Zelda, but the stakes are now higher than ever. No pressure, right? It’s all real, but I think I am ready…maybe. I’ll let you know how I feel about a month from now when I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m sure it will feel more like the business end of a gun barrel.
I haven’t written a post in quite a while. That has been (somewhat) intentional. I can easily blame it on a busy work schedule, travel, or other internal issues. To be completely honest, I haven’t figured out the right way to say what’s been on my mind. There’s been a lot bottled up, so this is my official uncorking.
Get ready (once again) for some real talk. MAD REAL.
This pregnancy has had its ups and downs. There are more ups than downs, and vice versa, depending on the day. We could be laughing and loving one day, and yelling and throwing shit at each other the next. Isn’t it great? The pregnancy has gone fantastic as far as the health of the baby thankfully, but the side effects have been less than desirable. Between the frequent mood swings and the excessive tiredness, our schedule revolves around working and going to sleep:
4:30am: I wake up/Curse to myself/Shower
5:00am: Depart for work
5:30am: Angela wakes up/Curses to herself/Feeds Dog
6:45am: Angela Departs for work
2:30pm: I arrive back home/Play with Pets/Try not to act tired
5:00pm: Angela arrives home insanely tired and smelling of the Metro
5:15pm: Feed dog and cat/Think about feeding ourselves
6:30pm: Eat dinner
7:00pm-9:30pm: Watch the clock until it is an acceptable time to fall asleep
9:30pm: Sleep and Repeat
It’s not glamorous schedule, but it works. For now.
In between all of this, there are other factors we have had to consider in the changing shape of our lives. The biggest one is the sudden realization that a pregnancy can really let you know who you are as a person, and who your real friends are. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I want to bring it up again, as I find it’s one of the most sobering experiences I have felt during this pregnancy.
Here’s my own personal disclaimer: I hope I have not alienated anyone in the last six or seven months (and the seven months before that). If I have, and you are reading this, I am sorry for slighting you. That was never my intention. I don’t mean to seem selfish, but I’m sure it’s come off that way. That being said, there are others who will find something like a pregnancy as a convenient way to shovel their own shit feelings off onto you. I’ve had several “friends” unfriend me on Facebook, stop talking to me altogether, etc. The same goes for Angela. Maybe it’s because of the feeling of alienation (if so, I’m sorry). More than likely, its not. It if truly is, then I hope we come to some resolve and can become friends again. If not, it’s your own goddamn problem.
It’s sad and unfortunate how these things unfold. This day in age, it’s entirely logical and expected that we never truly “see” our friends that we know, or that we talk shit behind each others back (which we have all done). My generation is not one to tell it up front and be real. Keeping it real never goes well – Dave Chapelle taught us that. I think the only real way to truly find out who your friends really are is to either A. Get married or B. Have a kid. We have done both of those, so I think the “natural selection friend list game” is working out quite well. Don’t get me wrong – we have some amazing friends who would do anything for us (and have/will!). We also have friends who give their love and support. Still, there are others who merely tolerate. These are all fantastic traits that give us (and especially Angela) a sense of comfort. When we have Zelda, we are going to want to share her with our friends. Those who fit within those parameters listed above will be more than welcome to enjoy our little bundle of joy (hopefully). But for everyone else, I’ve been wanting to say something for a while now. I think the immortal Charlie Day said it best:
In between all of this stuff going on, we are looking into buying a new home for our growing family. I can’t say it has been easy. It’s been a downright nightmare. I fantasize about what kinds of houses we could buy if we didn’t live in the DC area, but that is the price you pay to live close to a big city. I’d rather live here than anywhere else in the world right now. So we live here. I am hopeful that it will all work out in the end with a new home, whether it be now or a few months down the line after Zelda is born. We have a roof over our head now, so we can’t hate on it at all. I feel blessed; so much so that a hashtag is not required. P.S. If you feel the need to hashtag pretty much anything, please see the above video by Charlie Day.
Friend Stress. House Stress. Work Stress. It’s been a time. Which is why it was good to hit the reset button this past weekend for the Thanksgiving holiday. Sure, we had a wonderful time several weekends ago at the Baby Shower (which was wonderful, and I feel like a bastard for not writing about it). This Thanksgiving weekend for me was all about family and perspective. I certainly gained a lot of fresh perspective by observing my own adopted family’s growing brood.
After spending a great Thanksgiving day with my family up here in Alexandria, Angela and I traveled home early Friday morning to stay with her parents for the weekend. We came down ONLY BECAUSE we were promised a second Thanksgiving dinner with her family (including her Brother, Sister in Law, and their beautiful kiddies). I will never turn down turkey two days in a row. It’s everything Angela needed to get away from the stress of DC: a holiday reset.
See, Angela is very big on the holiday season. I am not. I never have been. The most I get out of this time of year is watching White Christmas, the Muppet Christmas Carol, and of course the Christmas classic Die Hard (and Die Hard II for that matter). To me, the holidays mean family, stress, and the pressure of “performing” as a human being. Don’t I do that enough with my job? Don’t get me wrong. I love being with family and enjoy all the festivities, but it doesn’t usually go beyond that. For Angela, it is more important than ever to be with family.This trip also marked the last time we would visit the Hampton Roads area before Zelda is born. We had to make it count.
December is a magical time for Angela. I know she wants me to like it as much as her, and has tried over the past four or five years now to make that dream a reality. Even if I say I don’t like the holidays, she is convinced that I will turn into Clark Griswold the minute Zelda is born. That I CAN agree with. Oh yes. I know exactly how I will be like Clark.
The highlight of our trip to Virginia Beach was interacting with my nieces and nephew. It was certainly good practice to hang out with the two wee twins, Ruaridh and Eilidh. Not only do they have rad names, they are great practice for me. I wasn’t pooped on or anything, but Ms. Eilidh did give me a nice string of spit up for my pants. I think they added some character to them. My niece Maren continues to amaze me with her creativity. She is such a ham, too. I think she has to be as the big sister to Ruaridh and Eilidh. At the end of the evening, she went to said goodbye to Zelda by hugging and kissing Angela’s stomach. I had to look away and clench my fist to hold back the tears. It was a beautiful moment – one that I will always remember.
We rounded out the trip back home with a quick visit to see our friend Holly at Lush and to eat dinner with the newlyweds Mark and Anna at Field Guide, a hip new restaurant in downtown Norfolk. The company was wonderful, but the food was awful and overrated, not unlike most of that area. Nice job once again, almost Richmond.
We left early this morning and escaped most of the traffic. Zelda enjoyed a McDonald’s meal for lunch, followed by a pizza dinner. Gotta keep the customer satisfied, right? I better keep close watch on the time. It’s about 9:00pm. It’s almost time to go to bed and start the cycle all over again.
Where’s the Tylenol?